I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
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brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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