med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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