You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm at about main and main street
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize