so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize