Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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