and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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