Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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