Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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