About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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