I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
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Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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