this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They are going to name an STD after you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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