I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Randomize