I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize