I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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