And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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