i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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