I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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