MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
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Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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