he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize