That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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