Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
two words: eviction party
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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