she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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