i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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