i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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