I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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