Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize