I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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