Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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