the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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