on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
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I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize