I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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