ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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