We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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