Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
