Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
