it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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