Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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