this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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