i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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