Me. At least after what I've been through.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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