Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We have so much sex to catch up on
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
