he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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