its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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