Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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