well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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