I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize