I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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