Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize