My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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