Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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