bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize