Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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