i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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