well I can't set my house on fire every night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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